Helpful conflict management attitude Tip-2

Helpful conflict management

• “Conflict is not bad – badly managed conflict is bad – but worst of all is to deny space for conflict to surface.”

Find ways to discover and safely discuss the “undiscussable”.

Self management Practices

• Desiring to be at peace with people is a good thing
• Use conflict as an opportunity to serve others
• Encourage good practice by personal example
• Deal only with issues that are too important to overlook
• Overlook minor offences
• Guard your attitude from negative thinking

It might be too costly to not settle conflict

• Consider the cost of continuing conflict verses settling it
  • Emotional, relational, financial
• Am I guilty of reckless words, gossip or slander?
• Have I kept my word and fulfilled all of my responsibilities?
• Have I abused my authority?
• Have I respected those in authority over me?

Do unto others as you would have it done unto you!

• Have I treated others as I would want to be treated?
• Are my motives worthwhile?
• Am I committed to a healthful relationship?
• I will listen responsibly by waiting patiently while others speak
  • Clarify through appropriate questions
  • Reflect their feelings and concerns with paraphrased responses
  • Agree with them wherever possible
  • There is great value in the discipline of “seeking to understand before seeking to be understood”
  • It is helpful to confirm rather than presume that you understand
  • It is not enough to just “hear” people – people want to know that they have been heard
  • Effective listening creates an opportunity to build a foundation of trust

• I will listen responsibly by waiting patiently while others speak…
• Choose a time and place that will be conducive to a productive conversation
• Believe the best about others until I have the facts to prove otherwise
• Talk in person whenever possible
• Plan my words in advance and try to anticipate how others will respond to me.
• Use “I” statements when appropriate

Clarity is worth a thousand time more

• State objectives facts rather than personal opinions
• Ask for feedback
• Offer solutions and preferences
• Recognize your limits and stop talking once you have said what is reasonable and appropriate
• When possible resolve problems one to one
• When it is not possible to resolve problems one to one seek appropriate 3rd party support (facilitator, arbitrator)
• Upon resolution:
• I will no longer dwell on the incident
• I will not bring the incident up again and use it against the party
• I will not talk to others about the incident
• I will not allow the incident to come between a potential relationship (using appropriate judgment)
• I will affirm my respect and concern for my opponent.
• I will do what is right no matter what others do to me.