Helpful conflict management

  • “Conflict is not bad – badly managed conflict is bad – but worst of all is to deny space for conflict to surface.”

Find ways to discover and safely discuss the “undiscussable”.

Self management Practices

  • Desiring to be at peace with people is a good thing
  • Use conflict as an opportunity to serve others
  • Encourage good practice by personal example
  • Deal only with issues that are too important to overlook
  • Overlook minor offences
  • Guard your attitude from negative thinking

It might be too costly to not settle conflict

  • Consider the cost of continuing conflict verses settling it
    • Emotional, relational, financial
  • Am I guilty of reckless words, gossip or slander?
  • Have I kept my word and fulfilled all of my responsibilities?
  • Have I abused my authority?
  • Have I respected those in authority over me?

Do unto others as you would have it done unto you!

  • Have I treated others as I would want to be treated?
  • Are my motives worthwhile?
  • Am I committed to a healthful relationship?
  • I will listen responsibly by waiting patiently while others speak
    • Clarify through appropriate questions
    • Reflect their feelings and concerns with paraphrased responses
    • Agree with them wherever possible
    • There is great value in the discipline of “seeking to understand before seeking to be understood”
    • It is helpful to confirm rather than presume that you understand
    • It is not enough to just “hear” people – people want to know that they have been heard
    • Effective listening creates an opportunity to build a foundation of trust
  • I will listen responsibly by waiting patiently while others speak…
  • Choose a time and place that will be conducive to a productive conversation
  • Believe the best about others until I have the facts to prove otherwise
  • Talk in person whenever possible
  • Plan my words in advance and try to anticipate how others will respond to me.
  • Use “I” statements when appropriate

Clarity is worth a thousand time more

  • State objectives facts rather than personal opinions
  • Ask for feedback
  • Offer solutions and preferences
  • Recognize your limits and stop talking once you have said what is reasonable and appropriate
  • When possible resolve problems one to one
  • When it is not possible to resolve problems one to one seek appropriate 3rd party support (facilitator, arbitrator)
  • Upon resolution:
  • I will no longer dwell on the incident
  • I will not bring the incident up again and use it against the party
  • I will not talk to others about the incident
  • I will not allow the incident to come between a potential relationship (using appropriate judgment)
  • I will affirm my respect and concern for my opponent.
  • I will do what is right no matter what others do to me.

About Daniel Zopoula

Daniel is a is a provocative leader in Christian Practice. A long-distance runner in the struggle for justice, Daniel's journey is rooted in a rich African tradition of soulcraft that put a premium on Ancestor appreciation, gentle embrace of others, cultural manners and social justice. Though deeply wounded and perennially scarred by the traumatic circumstances that paved the realities of his upbringings, Daniel emerged with great dignity, decency and integrity, love, courage and humour; choosing social advocacy rather than a life of blind avarice and personal subservience. The sum realities of pervasive terror, chronic trauma and vicious stigma that was shot through the "soul-making" of young Daniel yielded his true passion to profoundly influence, lead and inspire people from all walks of life into positive change and bearing witness to love and justice. Daniel's story is a tale of a man courageous enough to be fully human, living and loving out loud: "When your life doesn't belong to you, survival is not required," he says. Daniel writes and speaks internationally on Christian Practice, Spiritual & Emotional Leadership, Inspiration, Personal & Organizational health, Family Systems, Trauma, and Emotional Wellness. Daniel is a personal growth, and spiritual health consultant; a Life Coach, Spiritual Adviser, Author, Speaker, Activist.

1 Comment

  1. Krysta on October 3, 2013 at 7:24 am

    Words of wisdom!

Leave a Comment